Post Office Hell

Misery

I’ve never been a fan of going into banks or post offices. Entering them is like stepping into another dimension – one in which time operates at a tenth of the speed of life outside of their peculiar chronospheres.

Istanbul has turned that dislike into dread. Not only is the incredibly slow person already at the counter, as with every counter in every country (how do they do that?) but there is no discernible system for queueing and my social norms simply do not apply. These edifices of doom are perfect stress inducing machines.

Today, incredibly, there was only

Shoot out in Brazil – with live ammo. On the spot report.

Shoot out in Brazil. This time with guns and bombs. Our on-the-spot reporter nomadicniko reports live from where the action took place.

**DRAMATIC PICTURES TO FOLLOW, WE JUST WANTED TO GET THIS TO YOU STRAIGHTAWAY**

What’s your excuse for missing the start of the game?

I was so looking forward to Holland -vs- Mexico. It was a relatively easy journey for me to get to the Dutch Consulate: a walk, a minibus ride, a cross continental ferry, a funicular railway, another walk and Bob’s your uncle, no problem.

I left plenty of time and starting the last leg of my journey was bang on schedule. Except I stupidly forgot that one thing you should always allow for when there’s a big game. I am talking of course of the mass LGBT rally.

Man in Wedding Dress Places Cap on Dutch Entry

I couldn’t get to the game on time because I was weaving in the opposite direction to thousands of colourful lesbians, gays, bi-sexuals and transgenders, all led by a guy in a wedding dress.

Eventually after sashaying through the smorgasbord of sexuality I made it to the gate of the consulate – only to met by a more formidable opponent. A straight A student of the ‘your name’s not on the list, you’re not coming in’ school of obstinacy. A frantic call to my already interned friend confirmed I most certainly was on the list, but neanderthal man was having none of it.

Eventually a diplomatic incident was avoided, and 30 minutes after kick-off I made it inside. Why did I want to watch Holland anyway you may ask?

Dutch Fan Big Boobies

What other nation could out-fabulous a gay pride march?

A rocking team that combines scintillating football and five star ballet.

A consulate that takes pride in its nation and its people (that’s how I interpreted the free beer).

Plus fans who know how to paaaartaay.

Everything is oranjed to do it all over again on Saturday. Can’t wait! No, literally can’t – I’m starting my journey NOW. After all, don’t want to be late!

Live from Brazil – what’s it really like at the World Cup?

Guest post from our on the spot reporter, live from Brazil.

I made it to my last stop in Brazil, Fortaleza. A 5am flight from Natal on one hour of sleep was easily the worst leg of my trip, but so far Fortaleza has been a nice surprise. Meireles, the area of town we’re staying in, is modern and has a lively beach lined with bars and restaurants. Kind of like a mini Rio wannabe.

Fortaleza Beach, Brazil

We were hoping to go to the Ghana-Germany game, but the lack of sleep and not having tickets kind of killed that dream. Turned out to be a great game, and it was nice to see a happy bunch of Ghana fans here in Fortaleza after the game.

The World Cup experience has been better than expected. The best part besides actually being at the games is meeting fans from all over the world, seeing all the colorful flags and jerseys out on the streets, and the respect shown by these fans to each other. I’m so used to going to huge games and seeing rival fans trash talking to each other (I’m talking to YOU, Philly) and hooligans smashing up bus stops and cars (in Turkey), that it ruins the experience of actually going to the games.

The most difficult part about being at the World Cup is the wait between games. The anticipation is agonizing. Five days between attending games is an eternity, especially when you have an emotional investment in one of the teams. There are three or sometimes four games to watch in a day, but you want to be at all of them! Even being in one of the most beautiful countries in the world isn’t enough to distract you from World Cup Fever. I’m someone who loves to explore his surroundings and see a city to the fullest, but I’ve put all that on hold for the World Cup.

fanfest fortaleza

The worst thing about World Cup in Brazil is the organization. The stadiums have been nothing short of amazing, but everything else is a joke. Roads are not finished, transportation is completely unreliable, and there hasn’t even been food in the stadiums! Everything seems to be a construction zone.

Getting dropped off 3km from a stadium by an official shuttle and made to walk is unacceptable. I can imagine some of the elderly or physically challenged fans are having a very difficult time with this, especially in the heat. And getting OUT of the stadiums is worse! Thankfully, private shuttle companies have been picking up the slack, but they aren’t much better than the public shuttles. You still have to walk a long time to find them.

At the Greece-Japan game, no less than 30 minutes BEFORE the game, I went to a concession stand to get some dinner. I figured the traffic and walk to the stadium would be long, so I would save some time and just eat at the stadium. I ordered a hot dog. “No hot dog.” No problem. I ordered a cheeseburger. “No cheeseburger. No food.” So how does an entire stadium run out of food BEFORE a game begins? I don’t even think they had any to begin with! My friend Mike had the same problem with beer at the USA-Ghana game. They stopped serving beer because they ran out of cups and refused to give bottles to the fans.

The Fan Shops have been just as bad. They promised jerseys and souvenirs for most of the teams playing at the World Cup. I guess Brazil is the only team playing.

The amount of money that could have been made but has been left on the table is staggering. Brazil did a great job with the theatrics and the atmosphere, but they really blew it with everything else.

Thanks to Nick for this report. Read more at nomadicniko

 

Tornado

A couple of miles from apartment – which sadly I was not in.
Malteser sized hailstones HURT!

75F and chucking it down

I have seen the light

As I sat down to business, the first thought that struck me was that anybody could just wander by and watch me sitting on the toilet. Now, whilst the toilet was a standard European model (a la Franca I have heard them called), its setting was somewhat unusual.

The View from the Loo

Right in the middle of the African bush. You’re thinking c‘mon, you don’t get sit down ceramic toilets in the middle of the bush, right? Wrong! You do. I took this photo whilst sitting on one. Honestly!  OK, it wasn’t plumbed into anything, but an ingenious large bag acting as an overhead tank ensured that it was designed to flush. (It didn’t, but that’s another story.) Anyway, the second thought that crossed my tiny brain as I sat there pondering life, was that we hadn’t actually seen a single living soul for over 24 hours now. The chances of me being discovered doing what comes naturally were pretty slim.

With that comfort in mind I sat back, relaxed and admired the view. And what a view! Sadly my camera doesn’t do it justice, but even allowing for these limitations you have to admit it’s more interesting than your day to day loo view.  

Fame on a minibus. Credit left in the Bank of Warhol.

A pretty awesome achievement.  I managed to get a seat on a minibus: well played that man! Especially as it was after football and I needed a rest after running about for an hour, 50 minutes of which were with a badly bruised foot. Kick the ball, not the opposition. Must remember. I put on my headphones and listened in to Jason’s Zero to Travel Podcast. Now, I’d recommend this superb podcast anyway – that’s why I was listening to it after all – but what happened next means I have to absolutely insist that you give his podcast a spin. You’ll thank me for it. It’s excellent.

Can you see MY seat?

The episode in question is an interview with Dave Sperling, founder of Dave’s ESL cafe, the  #1 resource in the world for ESL jobs. We are about 1 min 48 seconds into the podcast (not that I’ve timed it or anything) and the superstar guest hasn’t even had a chance to talk yet when our esteemed host starts talking about……….me! There I am, on a minibus, with a highly prized seat, being thanked and quoted on air! I did the only reasonable thing, as I am sure we all would, and raced to the front of the minibus, gesticulating wildly for the driver to plug my iPod into his sound system. People need to know about this. They wanted it. I could feel the collective vibe. The driver politely suggested I return to my seat (artistic paraphrasing licence invoked here) – a request so pleasantly proffered I felt obliged to comply; only to find it was impossible to do so……because someone had taken my seat. Now it’s just possible, improbable but I’ll grant possible, that the collective vibe was generated by the merest suggestion of a seat freeing up rather than the podcast content, but I assure you that was due to the naivety in my fellow passengers being as yet unaware of the wonder of each and every broadcast. So, as a public service, I ‘m here to help you, wherever you are in the world, avoid the humiliation of not having listened to this show. Check it out now and be happy 🙂

Building Community Spirit with Asure

Late last year people kept knocking on my door; and when I opened it there would be another one of my neighbours offering me a bowl of homemade asure (a-sure-ray).

Asure

This happened a lot and I am very happy about it, because #asure is possibly my favourite Turkish dish.
There are many stories about its origin, but I like the idea that it was what #Noah fed to all to sustain during the great flood. By the way, did you know Noah’s Ark pitched up on a mountain in Turkey once the floods receded? I looked carefully and Mr.Crowe did not have any asure in the recent movie. If he had, maybe everyone would have got along better.

There are many different ways to make it and I have been most diligent in trying the results of as many as possible. I can confidently say that Gönül’s is the best! If you would like her #recipe just leave a comment to that effect.

Give it a try and then go and delight your neighbours!

My First #Islamic #Funeral

Gönül’s father died at noon on a Monday. Ideally, the family would have liked to have had his funeral the very same day, as this is the preferred way in the Islamic faith. However, at least one mourner had to fly to Turkey from Switzerland, and so it was arranged for 5pm on the Tuesday.

Cultural Conundrums #1

In Istanbul, a huge land reclamation project is nearing completion. A section of the Marmara Sea is being replaced by a park. I crossed a six-lane highway to take a look. After the highway are a pavement and a sliproad and then a café. I walked around the back of the café. There were people sitting, under sunshades, enjoying the view. It comprised a large green area, trees, and beyond that the sea. I was very confused. Why?